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Tuesday, 28 October 2014

TOP 8 MALAYSIAN CINEMA HABITS


As you know, I have PhD in Movies and Masters in Cinema Visits and that means I have done my research ample of times. Having to frequent lots of cinema gives you the chance to observe the many different behaviours of the patrons of cinemas in Malaysia. I will now write some of the epic ethics in cinema which I sincerely hope that Malaysians at least get their shit together for better cinema experience for everyone. Why top 8 you ask? Because top 10 is too mainstream and also THIS IS A RAGE EDITION! 

1. Chair Rocking

Do not rock chair or chairs. A rocking chair is a fucking rocking chair no matter whoever chair it belongs to. The last thing I want when I am immersing myself in a movie is my chair felt like a fucking roller coaster. I meant seriously people, stop shaking that chair of yours, what are you doing bro? STAHP! Are you making out with that chair? #foreveralone. This shit happens mostly from a guy, happens lesser when a lady sits beside me.

2. Explanation Duo

If your girlfriend or boyfriend have no English basics when watching a movie, you could at least wait for the movie to be over to be translating for him or her. Sabarlah sikit till finish, halfway throughout the movie I can hear you whispering and translating every single freaking dialogue. I need to be hearing the conversation in the movie, I paid for this shit not to listen your constant translating whisper man. Keep your shit to yourself or just watch another show.

3. The Feet of Death 

This is another killer in the cinema. While I was busy munching my all time favourite popcorns, suddenly a whiff of thousand rotten fishes passes through my nose. I meant people seriously, if you know that you do not have the sweetest, bestest,  and nicest smell in the world on your feet. WHY IN THE FLYING F*** do you even bother to remove your shoes in the cinema. You know what is in your head? Use them please. Nobody likes to smell your feet in the air-condition environment, have some mercy, please. 

4. Circus of Kids

All you single your parents, keep your fucking kids at home. The cinema is called a cinema for a reason, not a freaking zoo. If you want to be bringing your kids to watch a movie in a cinema, watch something animated will do good like Planes, Book of Life or Frozen. Do not be a smartass parents and watch horror or just some action movie with loud sounds. For example, Godzilla, you seriously think that your kid(s) can differentiate between what is real or fictional? Of course they will be freaking scared to death. I seriously hope cinema ban parents like this, bringing their newborn to watch Fury. Topkek

5. Late Walker 

The final moment to enter the cinema is when the advertisement or trailer is playing, other than that please feel free to just not enter, thanks. I am guilty of arriving late but I never walk in when the show is screening, this will disrupt people who are focusing on the movie with tons of douchebags walking in front of you and busy making noise while finding their seats. If you do not know which sides is your seat at, please by all means whip out your smartphone or whatever and check it. CHECK PLEASE!

6. A Symphony of Ringtones

Every single one of you need to keep your phone to "SILENT". Halfway throughout the movie, you can hear different ringtones ranging from Apple to Samsung which we all know, almost everyone of us having the same blardy ringtone. Therefore, silent and keep that shit to yourself, unless you are closing a 100 million deal, nobody gives a shit on what you are doing with your phone. So stop shining the light at everyone face while you are updating your Facebook status or just simply calling. No seriously, keep your fucking phone, we all have the same shit.

7. Sleep King

Legend has it, that every single cinema will have a person who falls asleep almost 80% of the movie. He or she will buy the Combo Set A (popcorn + soft drink) and sit in the corner #foreveralone, or sometimes in the middle and practically dozes off every time there is no fighting or something exploding. At the very best, at least do not SNORE. I have idiots snoring like they are in the bedroom and every single time someone tells them, they say OKAY! OKAY! and proceed to snore 5 mins later. Malaysian memang kalau nak cakap bodoh butthurt.

8. The Overly Touchy One 

If you are so interested in making out in the cinema, maybe you should check in the cinema. I am guilty of this also at times, but those time when I was young and I bought a twin seat at least. Right. At. The. Corner. Dark, dark corner HUEHUEHUEHE. Please keep your actions in the room or some other semak samun where people can't see them. Wanna #yolo at least do it right.

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